Long and frustrating story short - my internet cable was cut.
Album of the damage.
After looking at the damage - it seems like I should be able to fix this issue without going through the hassle of my ISP customer service (as well as avoiding the service charges).
My brain immediately thinks I should be able to just purchase a lengthy, all-weather COAX cable, and replace the bottom wire (of the third picture).
Thoughts?
The cable was cut accidentally (don’t ask how or why).
I ultimately just went with a $40 coax cable at my local hardware store. ~6 hours later and the net is back up!